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The idea that I was in Honduras just a little over a month ago blows my mind. Last Thursday also was the mark of me being in North Carolina for 1 year. To think of all that has happened in 1 year is overwhelming. At this time 1 year ago I felt like I was on vacation. The idea of spending 2 months in Honduras was far from my mind. The idea of working for CCC was further from my mind. God had huge plans, he just had not let me in on them yet. 

Now sitting at the 1 month mark of being home from Honduras, I have had a lot of time to reflect but not near enough time to process it all. God is faithful, even when I am not. He is strong, especially when I am not. He allows flawed, broken humans to carry out his plan on this earth and I don’t get it. But I know that, for this time, Concord, North Carolina at the Carolina Cross Connection office is where he has placed me. 2014 registration is in full swing for Honduras. Introduction meetings are all over my calendar. Interest is at a high level because we brought all 75 people back and because those 75 are passionate about what God is doing in Honduras. We have 25 people going to College Week in Honduras in December, and a church is interested in going in April over Spring Break. All of this to say my reflection time was the week after I returned home, my processing time is jumbled with thinking about the future. 

Don’t get me wrong, I could not be more excited about getting 2014 started. And honestly I love Introduction Meetings because I get to talk about what God did this summer over and over again. But to process everything we saw this summer, the lessons that God taught me personally, and the pruning that has been taking place it’s going to take awhile. 

There is a really cheesy saying in the church, but most of the time the cheesy is what sticks, it says “God does not called the equipped, he equips the called.” I don’t know he said it but it sounds Rick Warren-ish. That guy is full of catchy sayings! Anyway, it is truth. When I think about my life and how God has equipped me to do this whole Honduras thing, it’s crazy! I think about walking into Jason Harmeyer’s office 4 years ago and asking if J High could go overseas and him pointing to Manna and Manna pointing me to Honduras. Taking groups there and falling in love with that place. And now it is like my 3rd home (Odessa, Concord, Honduras…just in case you were trying to figure that out). God equipped me with great experiences and great people. He equipped me with skills, vision and passion. And he is still working on equipping me with pure compassion and the gift of learning when to shut up. Actually, I think he’s done his job there, he’s just waiting on me. He equipped our campers this summer. And because they were willing to follow him, it was a great summer. 

I’ve had a lot of people ask me my favorite moment of the summer, and it was Refugio (all Honduran campers from the orphanages) when our translators pinned the campers. For those of you in the CCC world you understand the word pinned. To the rest of you it sounds painful, so let me explain. We give out a Fishhook pin at the end of every week, with the commission from Jesus to go and make fishers of men. My staff pinned our incredible bilingual students and then they in turn pinned the campers. I was adamant about this happening because it just makes more since for Hondurans to pin Hondurans. The bilingual students (whom will all be on staff one day!) were calling people from their nation (orphans from Honduran orphanages) to rise up and love people well and tell them about Jesus. That’s my reflection. That is why I know God has called us to do this. To tell the nations, and equip the nations to proclaim Jesus’ name. Bringing people from the States has a whole different spin. They are coming to see and to go back and tell their nation what they saw. But Refugio and Un Dia is our opportunity to equip Hondurans to go tell Hondurans about Jesus.

I know I’ve rambled for too long. And I honestly, we need your help to continue Refugio and Un Dia in 2014. We do all of the programming, lodging and food for them for free. For Refugio we bring them to camp in Pena Blanca for the weekend, for Un Dia we rent a camp in San Pedro Sula for the day. To make it all happen we have to raise the funds and that is where you come in. Maybe you can’t go to Honduras, or maybe you went this summer and you have seen the need. Everyone is needed in this. Give $10 (or $1,000,000) and pass the link along. Thanks for taking time to read this and if you are not able to give don’t worry, I need your prayers just as much. Click the link below to check it out. There’s a great video and pictures as well. We know the Spanish sub-titles are not 100% accurate, we are working on it! 

http://www.stayclassy.org/events/hondurans-to-camp/e27022

The team is going great! I’m so thankful for their attitudes and just their willingness to do the hard things. They are meshing so well as a team even though they are from 4 different churches. It has honestly been so encouraging to watch them work together and love these kids as one body of Christ. The past two days that have been serving in a public orphanage and have had to see and handle some hard things. There have been a lot of dirty diapers, a lot of rough kids from rough backgrounds and so much love and patience. I’m so thankful to be serving along side of these people. Tomorrow is their last day at that orphanage and ours as well. We start the goodbye process tomorrow and I’m scared and sad about that process. But I’m so thankful to be a part of what God has done here in Honduras.

Keep praying. There is so much more God wants to do here this week.

So often this summer I have written about all of the good things, and honestly just scratched the surface of all of the good things God has done this summer.  He has introduced me to lifelong friends in my staff and workers at the orphanages. He has opened doors that I could have only dreamed about being open. He has provided an opportunity to serve alongside some amazing churches. He has given me a voice and a presence in 10 different orphanages in Honduras. He has placed dreams and thoughts in me that a year ago I would have laughed at. He has made things hard so I have to learn. He taught me how to live my life by needs and desires instead of a schedule. He has taught me that people matter infinitely more than my idea of how things should go. He has protected us, so far, in what our country calls a dangerous place. He has blown my expectations of what I thought this summer would be out of the water. He has made me whole, shattered me and is working on making me whole again. He has let me see his work in injustice and let me be a small part of the solution. He has given me vision of what a version of missions could look like. He has taken the guitar out of my hands and made me worship. He has taught me to be a branch. He has given me so many families that love me fully, even when I’m too much. He has loved me. And honestly I don’t understand why 99% of the time. He has shown me that I’m not good enough, but he is. He has made me long for him more and pursued me more in the past 2 months through people and his word. I could go on…

There is also another side of the story. Living in a 3^rd world country for 2 months with 75 campers from the States and over 120 campers from Honduras, working with 4 college students has had its downside. I’m over bugs. I miss air conditioning and when I get it I love it too much. I’m moody, my staff can also be moody. Have I mentioned it can be hot. There is serious injustice in this place. The economy is terrible. The gap between the rich and the poor is sickening. There are children who need homes. The orphanages need more workers because they are tired, because they need help. There are kids who have seen more violence and brokenness in their short lifespan than most people in the States will ever see. I expect too much out of my families. I want them to understand what I’ve seen even if they were here for a week, and I can’t do that because I just get angry and judgmental. I toy with the idea of just staying here because I know what God for me at home is hard. I want the easy way out of instead of following his plan. I miss certain people but not certain places. I find my mind wandering about how to make this adventure better and then getting frustrated because I know it’s going to be hard and I’m going to continue to be misunderstood. I haven’t processed everything because I know God’s plan through me and CCC is huge and it scares me. I’m a slave to myself most of the time because I think I know everything. Then in the quiet I realize I know nothing. I’m 27 and people have expectations of me that I will fail at and disappoint. The label of perfect has been placed on me at times and I know I am FAR from perfect. I love teenagers and sometimes don’t like adults (which to some is a fault and some would place this in the first paragraph). I want to know Jesus more but sometimes I find myself comfortable with where I am. The list could go on…

This week has been interesting. Where we’ve been talking about going home a lot we started to realize how sad that is actually going to be. Ellen’s grandma died Monday and she left on Tuesday, and that is when things got weird. All of us confessed we were a little jealous she was getting to go home, and then we realized that home is good but so is this place. Tuesday night we had a cool experience of being able to see CATs in Spanish. Two of our translators were in the show, it was cool to experience that culture. Wednesday we woke up and went to the beach because we’ve been talking about it all summer. It was beautiful and refreshing and nice to just spend time with my staff. Thursday we headed back to El Progresso and painted at Miqueas and Pronino. We painted another room at Miqueas and continued on a sign for Pronino. We then headed to Tara and Jorge’s for Hosanna’s 1^st birthday party, which was awesome! We were able to see Sandra, who is like my mom here. She is good people. Friday was a very interesting day for us as a team. We met Angie, who runs Hogar Esperanza, for lunch in the mountains and then went to see her new property. Right now she has a little over 20 kids and with this new property and development she will be able to have over 100 kids.  Lunch was incredible because she spoke great truth into us. We’ve been talking to our groups about reverse culture shock but honestly we are going to struggle hard with the same things. She had a great perspective for us moving forward. The property is beautiful and they have started building. There will be 5 girl houses and 5 guy houses, a chapel, a camp, a futbol field, housing for tias, a storage unit. Needless to say it’s so good. It is 27 acres full of a lot of hope. Then we went to Hogar Enmanuel and saw how huge and awesome that is. It was great to see those things and listen to my staff reflect on how they could help. It was all good but I wanted more for the kids stuck at Nueva and Casitas and the kids on the streets. I don’t know how to write it but my emotions are all over the place. There is so much to process and I don’t know where to begin. I am so thankful for the groups that have come and the group coming tomorrow. They bring such a fresh perspective to what we’ve seen all summer. My point is, is that God has taught me more than I can hold. I’m overwhelmed, tired, excited, scared and know that there is so much more in store. I’m thankful for this opportunity, I’m thankful for how everything has played out. And while there are a few things I wish I could have done differently, I’m glad they have turned out the way they did. We have 10 days left and I just keep asking God for more. More wisdom, more clarity, more of his spirit.

Keep praying, we’re not done yet!

For some reason, WordPress has decided to stop working with my internet so I have found a few minutes and a Dunkin Donuts and I’m hoping this will work! I have written a blog for every day the team has been here so this will be multiple blogs in one. 

MONDAY and TUESDAY

Our team arrived Monday, 31 strong! It was so good to see them, being that they are my church family as well. I’m so excited to share this journey with them this week. This group of people has been faithful to praying for this journey from the beginning and I am excited to have them here. Today we went to Nueva Esperanza, which is a public orphanage with about 100 kids from newborn to 13. Honestly, it is a hard place for my staff because we just know how good it can be. There are extremely hard working Tias there that love the kids fully, and it truly is a honor to serve alongside of them this week as well. As it is with any camp week there are things to work out but we are thankful that God has us on this journey. The team did an incredible job today just loving people. If you want to read about this team from their perspective go to www.foresthillumc.org and click the slide on the homepage that says Honduras.

I know there are a lot of you reading this blog from a Carolina Cross Connection perspective and I am so grateful that you are taking the time to do that. But for those of you that know me personally, I just want to share my heart for a second. Please pray for me this week. This is a hard week for me because I have 3 worlds colliding at once. Please don’t hear this as a complaint! Because honestly it is proof of God’s faithfulness to have home (Joel and Kameron) my new home (Forest Hill) and this Honduras thing (staff, programing, etc.) all at one time. I’m struggling with balance. I knew it would be hard, but honestly tonight I am just overwhelmed, in both a good and a bad way. All three things are perfect, all three things God has used in incredible ways in my life, but my brain and my control freak self wants all three to be happy all of the time and for this week to be perfect and that is unreasonable of me. Just pray that I can remain. Remain in who God has called me to be here this week and not what I want others to experience here. Pray that I can let go and just be here this week. I know these words don’t come as a surprise to any of you, because you know that pride has always been my biggest struggle. Satan is using that in a big way already this week and I want to be able to give God control of every circumstance.

WEDNESDAY

This has served with everything they have. It has been hot and a lot of work but they have risen to the challenge. They are loving the kids at Nueva fully and coming back to camp spent because they have given everything they have! I am so thankful to be serving along side of them. They are building friendships that are truly going to last a life time. I also have Will Adams here filming a promo video for our 2014 trips. We were able to go to Hogar Esperanza and talk to a few students about their stories and their experience at Refugio. It was an incredible time and I am so thankful for his help!

THURSDAY

Today started a little rough, we had a several people not feeling well and just worn out. The team headed back to Nueva for the last day and I know goodbyes are going to be hard. I stayed at camp with some people but the stories I heard last night about how the goodbyes went filled me up and tore me a part at the same time. There is no doubt that God has called us here and has called us to love these people fully. I am so excited looking forward to what God is going to do through this church and the churches that have come this summer. Most of the people not feeling well were better by dinner and we just spend the night in prayer. Tomorrow we split the group into two groups and go to two different orphanages. Another CCC Honduras first. I’m excited to see how it goes tomorrow. I am continually overwhelmed by God’s faithfulness. 

FRIDAY

I just dropped one of the groups off and now I’m sitting in Dunkin Donuts! This morning was much better than yesterday. We have two groups at two orphanages today! Right after I post this I will be heading to the store to buy lunches and visit both groups. It is truly incredible watching all of this come together. God has blown my expectations. He has been faithful, powerful and I am humbled to be used in this way. A couple of days ago Taylor, Will and I were riding to an orphanage and she reminded me that I don’t have everything figured out. I know that but sometimes my pride gets in the way. I am so thankful for her truth, she is right, I don’t have everything figured out and God is leading me through a crazy adventure, and I am so grateful to be sharing it with this team this week! I will update tomorrow and let you know how the split went. Pray for our team that they will all feel 100% throughout the day and tomorrow. The staff and this team are working so hard this week and loving with everything they have. Pray that God will fill them up as they pour His love out.